I am outspoken and opinionated. Those who know me think I am strong, outgoing etc. But the truth is I am extremely emotional, sensitive and somewhat shy. I get hurt so easily. I remember my family used to jokingly call me a 'water pot' growing up because nobody knew from where all the tears were coming. Part of the problem is I have always felt people around me let me down. I place my trust on humans and instead of the the one who really matters.
I remember in the early years of our marriage, I had a lot of fights with my husband. After every fight I felt that my world was doomed. I felt no one loved me, cared for me etc. The problem was not my husband. The problem was I expected the world out of him. And he is just an ordinary human being. He is not a super hero.
Often times we think that friends/family let us down. And when that happens it is so hard to concentrate on anything. The inner peace is ruined. We feel let down and like orphans. It took me a lot of years to learn that everyone is a human being. No one is perfect. No one is created to love unconditionally. Everyone is broken inside. I know how much we love to shout that "I have the best husband in the world or the most wonderful parents". Truth is, anyone and everyone is flawed. We love our little Sanjay kutty so much that we feel we would sacrifice our lives for him. But that love is also mortal. There will be times when we might end up hurting him.
I am learning that when I feel disappointed I need to look up to the one who is immortal and who has promised to love me no matter what. I am learning to draw strength from His love and deal with disappointments. I am realizing that His love will help me understand others better. His love is like a waterfall. It always falls downs and never goes up. Yes God's love always gives and never expects anything in return. And loving Him first will help us love others in a similar way.
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
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