BITTERSWEET!

When I see my parents who've been stripped of their joy of being with grand kids and kids

When I see beggars on the road whose arms and feet are literally rotten 

When I meet young widows who are forced to become the sole bread winners of the family without any education 

When I meet young men and women who don't have a privileged life as I have

When I meet people who in spite of their toil and sweat can't make ends meet

When I meet little kids who sell mickey mouse stickers in a heavy traffic road for a mere 15 cents. 

When I see everyday survival that is brutally honest, all I can say is "God show me the purpose why I live in a far away country, why I live a comfortable life, why I seem to crave for bigger and better things when there are so many around me who can't even survive; Give me a heart that is content with what I have but is hungry and burdened for the needy"

As I grow older, every India trip is becoming more and more bittersweet! 

AN UPDATE!

I started a blog - then I posted a few things - then I vanished. I have not forgotten this space but I have been busy with travels.

Ever since I started writing on facebook, there have been a lot of friends who have been extremely supportive. But I have also received a lot of criticisms. When I wrote about 'modesty' some took offense; when I voiced out my opinions about 'gay marriage' some others took offense. Every topic I have written have always brought back criticisms - be it my faith, cultural differences, travelogues or even my personal testimonials.

My love for writing started with one rant against the western way of bringing up kids. Its when I realized that it gives me such a satisfaction to write; to pour out my thoughts about issues that bother me. But as I write this update, I am realizing that a blog is a better place  to share my views than facebook wall. Truth is you can not please everyone. Imagine what kind of a life politicians (the honest ones) and activists have. I seriously feel so pity for them! 

Long story short, I have decided to utilize this space to post my views. Feel free to share your views. Dialogues build friendship! 

WHEN IT HURTS.....

I am outspoken and opinionated. Those who know me think I am strong, outgoing etc. But the truth is I am extremely emotional, sensitive and somewhat shy. I get hurt so easily. I remember my family used to jokingly call me a 'water pot' growing up because nobody knew from where all the tears were coming. Part of the problem is I have always felt people around me let me down. I place my trust on humans and instead of the the one who really matters.

I remember in the early years of our marriage, I had a lot of fights with my husband. After every fight I felt that my world was doomed. I felt no one loved me, cared for me etc. The problem was not my husband. The problem was I expected the world out of him. And he is just an ordinary human being. He is not a super hero.  

Often times we think that friends/family let us down. And when that happens it is so hard to concentrate on anything. The inner peace is ruined. We feel let down and like orphans. It took me a lot of years to learn that everyone is a human being. No one is perfect. No one is created to love unconditionally. Everyone is broken inside. I know how much we love to shout that "I have the best husband in the world or the most wonderful parents". Truth is, anyone and everyone is flawed. We love our little Sanjay kutty so much that we feel we would sacrifice our lives for him. But that love is also mortal. There will be times when we might end up hurting him. 

I am learning that when I feel disappointed I need to look up to the one who is immortal and who has promised to love me no matter what. I am learning to draw strength from His love and deal with disappointments. I am realizing that His love will help me understand others better. His love is like a waterfall. It always falls downs and never goes up. Yes God's love always gives and never expects anything in return. And loving Him first will help us love others in a similar way. 

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure