Living in USA, I often find myself being torn between two sides. My motherland India & my mother-in-law land USA. You might wonder what is mother-in-law land. Allow me to explain.
In my culture, when a girl gets married she goes from her home (aka her parent's home aka pirandha veedu) to her husband's home (aka pugundha veedu) - where she will end up living the rest of her life. I often feel pity for the new bride. She is out of her comfort zone. A lot of times she has to unlearn and relearn things the new way. Some of the marriage books in USA call this leaving and cleaving. Leaving your parents and cleaving to your husband. Well in Indian culture there is no leaving cleaving business. It's pretty much dancing to everyone's tunes or I will call that 'adjustment'. When she is in her husband's home she follows the customs of her new home and when she visits her parent's home she adjusts accordingly. When it comes to loyalty, she is torn - literally. But the best thing which happens in a situation like this is the new legacy she is able to build. The legacy which is the product of best of both the family values that she is able to pass on to her children.
While I am not the perfect South Indian bride, I often find myself in her shoes when it comes to living as an immigrant in a foreign land. I am out of my comfort zone. In the past I have always compared both the 'homes'. It's more like comparing apples and oranges. Both are good in its own way but both are mutually exclusive.
When I first moved here, I just couldn't stand living here. It took me quite a few years to learn the culture and to appreciate the differences. In my mother-in-law land, people follow rules without any trouble. They are punctual. Even at high speed, traffic is smooth. People aren't looking out to cheat you or put you down. They are honest and hardworking. They are always doing something and take pride in the work of their hands. And during tragedy like the recent flood and rains, strangers come together to help build the community. There are quite a lot of things I have learnt after living here.
As structured and organized my mother-in-law land can be, my motherland is quite the opposite. Things somehow happen amidst chaos and confusion. Traffic is a painful pleasure. Punctuality - what does it even mean?! Yet I terribly miss the comfort that the chaos offers. When it comes to friendships and relationships without private space and boundaries , no one can beat my motherland. Hands down. In my motherland, if I don't show up to church for a few Sundays, there will be visitors or phone calls even from acquaintances. And you don't need to know someone really well to ask for a favor. People don't look out for common interests like religious beliefs or political ideologies to be friends. And because of diversity, people learn to be tolerant. And above all, the things I cherish the most about my motherland are the values that have been handed down from generation to generation.
In a few weeks, I would have completed 6 years in my mother-in law-land. I don't see myself as a fish out of water anymore. I see myself as a person being given a wonderful opportunity to pick the best out of both the worlds. Being an immigrant, the best thing I could do is to be a bridge to pass on the best values to my child(ren). I want to teach them not only the importance of being on time & the joy of hard work, but also the value of a 2000+ year old tradition that includes dressing up modestly, giving up your seat for an elder and taking care of parents. I want them to know that if God decides to keep them in USA, they should be torchbearers of Indian heritage and if God takes them back to India, they should be ambassadors of punctuality, hard work, honesty and all the values that my mother-in-law land taught them.
